Somebody told me yesterday that i have a “positive presence” & i thought that was kinda cool. I normally don’t go in depth on compliments nor complaints, but it kinda made me realize how much i’ve grown in the past two years or so… I was such a negative, close-minded shit for a big part of life and I’m just feeling amazing everyday. I like waking up every morning, though i’m not scared of the concept of death either. I don’t get sad anymore. Or highly rarely at least. If I do, it has something kinda “big” & i may dwell on it for 5 minutes tops then I bounce back hard as shit. I’m confident as hell now. Borderline cocky, yet introverted. Saying “Hi” to motherfuckers isn’t really an issue anymore. I found my way to control my head to make me do whatever I want to. I see everything (or almost everything) as a choice. If I fucked up, it’s because I fucked up.
I fell in love with music again. Film too. Nature really captivated me this past year. Trees. Lots of trees & I’m not referring to weed. I love Sofia Coppola-esque film shots where the sunlight pours through a set of tree branches. It’s beautiful. I started writing a book too. Not a novel, a book of some sorts that I do not want to elaborate on yet. I’ve been drawing more. I have new designs for merch that doesn’t look like shit. I love it. I love triangles and clouds soo much.
I’m soo childish, yet not naïve. Acceptance played a big role of making myself happy this year, as in accepting people for who they are, realizing nobody is truly not innocent. All your beliefs, opinions, and tastes stem from something somebody or something taught you & everything that has been around you throughout the entire course of your life. No one came out the womb with opinions, We were all taught (directly & indirectly) about what we know today and realizing this, I became a much happier person. For example, I can’t blame somebody for being an asshole or for being utterly idiotic because they were “built” that way and it’s not really their fault. Plus, all the decisions you make occur because of what you went through in the past. Even if it’s a gut decision. You made that gut decision because something tells you to.
Maybe that’s the real God. Chance. The uncontrollable nature of coincidentally obtaining the certain knowledge you hold today and having preferences based on that knowledge you somehow obtained.
I go through type of shit like this (in my head) on a daily basis.
I realized the most important thing on this planet is being happy. Nothing else… and it doesn’t have to be a selfish thing. Even if the most important thing to you is taking care of the ones you love (which is often considered a “selfless” act) that can make you happy as well.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Really no clear purpose. Possibly just to write just cuz I love to write… & the fact that I don’t really go in depth with “life” shit with my friends or family. Too weird. Maybe one day I’ll look back on this and say “wow, that’s what I was really thinking when I was 16?” I’ll find out one of these days.
I hope everyone has an incredibly wonderful day.
with all love & positivity,
P.S. Like the late, great Tupac Shakur once said, “I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing: Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it.”
i fixed a few things i never articulate this shit properly the first time. maybe this will make you feel better about yourself like it did for me.